a mixture of happy thoughts and the feeling of vertigo just when your legs are about to fold.
happiness, it hurt like a train on the track


amsterdam, den haag, brugge, with the family and the pentax. holidays have been good to me.
there's people in this world that i love.

2011 was massive.
i want 2012 to grow and grow and extend and eat up everything from before, feeding on ambitions and memories and people who add even more. resolutions are half-formed wishes lurking within me, somewhere, where i see them hushing about without ever getting a good look at them. i still feel like i'm allowed to be imperfect, though not so much any more. what does it matter, i'm looking forward to it all.
happy new year, everyone.

here's some more hastings photos. my pentax definitely needs more attention.



and a few london ones.
i love london.
i love london.
i love london.
it's a big beast crushing me every day, bit by bit, but i wouldn't have it any other way. i used to think i couldn't stay there forever, but now it feels like i couldn't do without it.

just closing 2011 with a little shoot with holly that I really enjoyed. Freezing cold, freezing, freezing cold, but it made me happy because I'm currently in that stupid place where my photography doesn't know what it is any more.
This reminded me of what it used to feel like.

Much to say about this year, but not on this space and it's too much anyway. I go out with love and confusion, excited and scared.




20111126.
model; holly.
mua; milki li.

the small things that matter, things that remind me of things that have moved me once. i wish i could model my life, the world is really quite a mundane place and it hurts to realise this, it hurts as much as it hurts to hear a wall of noise where really there should be tunes to move my feet to. doesn't matter, things don't have to be perfect to be awesome, i still got the love and that is one thing i don't wanna lose in my life. goosebumps and heartbeats, the feeling of space, dancing space inside, the feeling of beauty in the world and small things touching me. the small, mundane things, sometimes they shine in a way that make my eyes sparkle like they used to when my head was still clouded with dreams. i wish i could have kept some people in my life when i had the chance to but ladders are finite and the sky is quite far away. the stars are still beautiful from down here.


20111126.

more photos from that day in eastbourne.
shooting is moving further away from me, just like everything else, everything's a copy of a copy of a copy and it's difficult to see life with short-sighted eyes full of blur and fog made of the stuff that tears feed on. twinkles, clouds full of question marks, the sound of electronic tunes just to try to get out, go far away, but deep down, there is nothing but guitars and voices. beautiful is only angles, but my photographic eye's gone missing.


this was good.




20110924.
make up; laura naish (http://www.thefairestofthemall.co.uk/)
hair; emma hellier
designs; jennifer tayler @ jennifer lilly designs
models; teddie (@Sandra Reynolds), gemma, joanna, lauren
at neate's cakery, eastbourne.