surrounding myself with words is all to keep it tight within, build a castle in my chamber, trying to fill it. a little light bulb inside to spread the tingling sensation into the world, a beacon to tentatively roll into the night and meet the other small streams of struggling light. small hands holding up torches and searching for signs of exotic life in the sky, all in wonder, all alone, all lost in the stars. hopeful electric gestures, and i sit in the middle of it, floating with my best friends around me, between us little fires of stories and never changed dreams, and all that smoke